bittersweet hurt

the desire to be better and get out of the hellhole we currently live in is the only thing keeping us, our body, going. we would have been dead if not for that faintest of glimmers of light at the end of this tunnel. 

the want and desire to be who i am physically and shed this husk i wear to fool those who fear and shun what they dont like is what keeps me fighting to keep living and thriving. to be what i am and love and want to be.

i know im not a human, and thats beautiful. im some sort of animal. im a beautiful one. one day ill be better. ill be somewhere better. and i love that. i need to look on brighter sides and be happier and more optimistic. im so scared ill never get out of here that i dont realize the only thing holding me back is myself truly.

i will transition and be beautiful. i want to lose weight on the topic of my appearance — ive been sexualized for my weight for so long that ive actually neglected my physical wellbeing to keep myself like this and shunned the want to lose weight , primarily because the attention was just intoxicating. i wanna try getting to somewhere where im more comfortable weight-wise and keep there and be healthier. its the first goal for myself to improve i think.

idk what im doing this was meant to talk about my failed attempt and buring of a note butill do that tmrw i guess, it delved to “ hopeslop “ as they would call it, but thats not a bad thing 

with love,

basil arianne flowers